Kenyans on this day; March 20th were treated to a real-life Tom and Jerry moment as a wild cat and mouse chase ensued between the police and Azimio protestors in the CBD. Snapshots of Officers in uniform jumping over fences to escape the wrath of rally-goers elicited mixed reactions online, as many wondered how come it was all unfolding on this particular date. For me in particular, March 20th holds a record. First, it was the same exact day in 2020 when lockdowns were announced amid the Corona virus pandemic. In 2021, on the same fateful date, my ex-girlfriend Patricia broke the heartbreaking news that she was in love with my uncle and proceeded to move in with him.
More disappointment followed last year when Patricia pranked me, on 20th, that she wanted me back. I made a dinner reservation at a posh hotel, only for her to call later and say that it was just a stupid prank. I have never felt dejected like that my entire life. 2023 has topped all the charts by delivering more juice, as the whole country came to a standstill thanks to the Azimio Protests across the country.
As most Kenyans were enjoying the moment, I became the subject of online trolling on the same day as I ended up getting stuck during sex with somebody else’s wife, whose husband had attended the protests in Nairobi. Naomi promised a day full of adventure, as we could enjoy each other’s company. Her husband Josephat, as a fervent Azimio supporter had planned days beforehand to attend the protests, armed with a briefcase full of stones and a vuvuzela. But, our moment of glory ended up becoming an embarrassing moment as we were stuck. Josephat was notified of the situation and came back furious. He posted a video of us in his bed, naked and trembling, as he took advantage of my pleas to ask for a whopping Kshs. 100,000 as damages. I had to part ways with another Kshs. 50,000 to reverse the powerful spells, obtained by Josephat from a native doctor called Dr. Mugwenu.
Am still torn whether to celebrate the success of the Protests or hide to escape the shame of watching myself in distress online, being called names and taking center stage with meme lords. Hopefully, the Protests occupy online users more and spare me the unwanted attention. Whoever this Dr. Mugwenu is, I have to seek him for help. That is another days’ issue, for now, why hasn’t Ruto made a statement yet??
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